Supporting men through a cancer diagnosis

Rachael was not only the first female career firefighter in New Plymouth, she also helped design the first men’s support sessions for cancer charity Look Good Feel Better, and regularly hosts their online men’s sessions and expert Q&As.

“Everyone who attends a session has sat at the doctor’s and heard them say ‘You have cancer’. I just want to ensure that there’s a positive aspect to what they’re going through,” the mother of two says.

“It’s really connecting with them and creating a safe space. I can tell when they’re enjoying it or feeling hesitant or they want to speak. Over time you can see their arms uncross, they lean in, they start to talk and share their situation.

“Even though it is online, it’s still very personal. The only thing I can’t do is put my hand on their shoulder and say ‘You’re okay’,” Rachael says.

Approximately 14,000 men are diagnosed with cancer each year in New Zealand. But research by Look Good Feel Better revealed that men are less likely than women to seek support for their own wellbeing or join support groups.

Rachael feels facilitating peer support as well as offering practical advice, is pivotal to their mental wellbeing during cancer.

“We talk about how vital communication and sharing is, showing vulnerability, and how important it is to get support and ensure the people close around you know what their role is. People can’t help if they can’t really see what’s underneath the surface,” Rachael,

whose dedication to the charity resulted in her being awarded a Queen’s Service Medal in 2021, says.

The Look Good Feel Better Cancer Wellbeing Research 2024 survey conducted by IPSOS last year, highlighted that while men may seem to be coping, they have a “soldier on” attitude, and are almost resigned to what they are going through.

Men are more likely than women to work through treatment (66% vs 44% of women), and 21% worry about losing their jobs – compared to eight percent of women.

Perhaps not surprisingly, women with cancer are more inclined to be proactive about emotional support, and as carers they are often the ones who book the free Look Good Feel Better sessions for the men in their life.

The programme is for anyone with any cancer at any stage, and includes a suite of free sessions including how-to videos, podcasts, and regular men’s only sessions with guest speakers.

Presenters have included experts in oncology, sleep, exercise and male function, through to well-known entities offering a range of practical tips, including former police negotiator Lance Burdett, the Mad Butcher Sir Peter Leitch, as well as All Blacks and Black Caps.

“Some men find it a real struggle not being able to work or do the things that they used to do and sometimes that emotional mental side of it is as hard as the physical side,” she says.

“There is a feeling of ‘I can’t be the man that I was before’ – that’s all part of identity and comes with an element of grief. Then there is the weight gain, hair loss, fatigue and looking unwell.

“I just want to ensure that there’s a positive aspect to what they’re going through.”